Corporate Language

‘A challenging market’ – a difficult market.
‘A difficult market’ – totally bl*ody impossible.
‘We see an up-turn later in the year’ – it can’t get any worse.
‘We are working on improving our performance’ – we’ve sacked the whole team.
‘Left the company unexpectedly’ – topped himself.
‘Left to develop his career elsewhere’ – we fired him.
‘A well constructed and extremely versatile product’ – no one understands it.
‘Recent down-sizing of the sales force’ – the buggers keep leaving.
‘Doesn’t suffer fools gladly’ – complete b*stard to work for.
‘He has an active social life’ – alcoholic
‘A spectacular producer during the time he was with us’ – now doing time at Wandsworth.
‘Highly creative, with an endless supply of unorthodox ideas’ -mad.
‘Forthcoming changes in the regulatory environment’ – Oh Christ, here we go again.