Modern Toolsby webcarepkMay 2, 2013Hammer – In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on one’s enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself. Screwdriver – The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver. Phillips Screwdriver – The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka. Pliers – A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install. Electronic Stud Finder – An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself. Halogen Light – A worklight that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you’re working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway. Cordless Drill – A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool. Cordless Telephone – The handyman’s 911. Air Compressor – A mechanical device similar in principle to harnessing the power of your mother-in-law’s nagging complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off the side of the house. Chain Saw – Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself. Vise Grips – A pair of helping hands that doesn’t critique the job you’re doing or offer advice. Received from Ed. Tags:jokestools Leave a Reply Cancel replyYour email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *Name * Email * Website ERROR: si-captcha.php plugin: GD image support not detected in PHP!Contact your web host and ask them to enable GD image support for PHP.ERROR: si-captcha.php plugin: imagepng function not detected in PHP!Contact your web host and ask them to enable imagepng for PHP.Comment * Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email.