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Geek Jokes

Top 10 of the Only Geeks can understand jokes.

  • A Roman Centurian walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. “You mean a martini?” the bartender replies.
    The Centurian says, “If I had wanted a double, I would have asked for it!”
  • Q: Why do engineers confuse Halloween and Christmas?
    A: Because Oct 31=Dec 25.
  • A logician’s wife has a baby. The doctor hands the newly born kid to his father.
    “Well?” the wife demands. “Is it a boy or a girl?”
    The logician replies (completely correctly!) “Yes.”
  • Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, “I’ll have some H2O.”
    The second scientist says “I’ll have some H2O too.”
    After taking a drink, the second scientist dies.
  • There are only two hard things in Computer Science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors.
  • Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Would all of you like a drink?”
    The first logician says, “I don’t know.”
    The second logician says, “I don’t know.”
    And the third logician says, “Yes!”
  • Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer.
    The bartender says, “Sorry: we don’t serve noble gases here.”
    He doesn’t react.
  • Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
    He’s 0K now.
  • Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting in a French cafe and tells the waitress, “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.”
    The waitress says, “I’m sorry, but we’re out of cream. Would you like that with no milk?”
  • Q: How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
    A: Ask them to pronounce “unionized”.

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And an oldie bonus:

  • There are 10 kinds of people: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

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